Some days it seems like I’ve been here only for three or four months, other days it feels like I’ve always been here. I’ve grown to like school. At first I was really unsure, but I’ve come to enjoy the place. The experiences, the people, the whole routine. It seems odd to feel that way in such a temporary situation, and I’m at the point in my education where I no longer measure my remaining time in months but in weeks, and sometimes even hours. I currently have 230-ish hours left to go, just over seven weeks until I “graduate.” Graduation day seems almost alarmingly close.

I’m looking forward to completing the path I’ve started, to get back into the workforce and start making money again. I hate having to watch every penny and worry about how long, in this economy, those pennies might have to stretch. I miss buying video games and scooter parts, gourmet beers and weekend vacations. I need new clothes, new shoes and a renewed sense of financial stability. I want a new place that I will refer to as “work” and to meet new people I will refer to as “coworkers.” In short, I want to return to adult life.

However ambitious all this seems, I am still apprehensive. Am I ready? Will I pass those dreaded state board exams the first try? How long will it be before I can find work? Will my new coworkers like me? Will I be able to find work in a place that will add to my learning experience? I’m hungry, downright starving, in fact. I want to hit the ground running, soak up every bit of new information and make it mine. I want to take on new clients and new challenges, and charm the hell out of both. I want to surround myself with positive energy, and go home feeling GOOD at the end of the day.

Sounds a little square for a cynical post-punk, doesn’t it? I don’t care, really. I was given only one life, and every day I live brings me one day closer to the end of it, and there’s no “do-over” if I do it half-assed the first time. So forgive me when I say that I don’t really care if you think my ambitions sound corny.

There is also the apprehension I feel about leaving this school environment, for its own merits. These 14 rooms have come to represent my efforts to change, well, everything! My efforts to re-brand myself, to alter the parts of my personality I’ve grown to despise, and the courage to oppose just about every social norm I’ve been indoctrinated with! It feels like a nice safe place, a secret test kitchen for cooking up a new Kevin. To leave that safe zone and re-enter the world without this safety net is a little daunting, but is still its own reward.

As these weeks start winding down, my focus is no longer on discovery, but on closure. Finishing the recipe and cleaning up the test kitchen.