Dear The South,

You lost that war nearly 150 years ago. Get over it. Confederacy Appreciation? Virginia, are you out of your mind? What is it you are commemorating? Something that was distinctly part of Southern culture? Can’t you just commemorate RC Cola and the Wiggly Wiggly and call it a day?

Let me put it to you this way… every time you say something like “The South Will Rise Again” and other pro-Confederacy one-liners, you need to remember that you were, for all practical purposes, a rogue nation whose system of commerce was based on human-trafficking. Kinda like Afghanistan and its opium market… only decidedly more evil.

Yep, we invade countries like you and install puppet governments in place of the old warlord-based neo-feudalistic governments like yours. We would do so because “freedom” is a big thing here in America. You know, Freedom? That word on all your flag-decorated T-shirts and bumper stickers? Irony runs thick in your neck of the woods, doesn’t it?

Rather than glorifying the history that you feel compelled to remind the world of, you should take a play out of Germany’s playbook: Don’t talk about it, pretend it never happened, and outlaw the display of your old flag. Are you really THAT proud of your sordid past? Or are you just that STUPID that you don’t understand how the REST of the developed world view being an abjectly-inhumane Banana Republic as a BAD thing?